I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
