I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
