did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
