Don't you send me to vm
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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