The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
