would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
