So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize