just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
