I hate your face
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
