While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
