They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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