you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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