Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
