D3 body, D1 cock
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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