Moan for me like Helen Keller
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
