what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
