I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize