im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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