ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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