Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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