Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
