I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
