just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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