My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
