i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
