I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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