:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
