God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
