apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
