so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
