it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize