After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
