I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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