so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish you could order shots online.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
