Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
