my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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