so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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