1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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