Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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