is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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