On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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