if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
