He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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