is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
