i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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