he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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