I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
only you would photoshop your dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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