my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
