So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
