I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
