remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
