His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
