i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
