Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
