The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I looked at my own cervix.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
