good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
