she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
