im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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