you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize