There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
