it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
