dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
