Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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