Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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