I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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