it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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