I'm jealous of your bromance
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
