I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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