I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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