the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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